Tag Archives: reading

Thinning

Been awhile. I still adore you. I’ve had to do some solitary work, some secretive soul searching. At this juncture, I have taken to drinking (a bit), I am working my way through the Bible (just started Numbers), I’m uncomfortable with my long-standing 12 step philosophy, I just got a fabulous bow rehair from Goering, and I built a rolling basketball system as a result of Cody starting in a mini basketball team.

My Bible reading and uncomfortableness with 12 stepping are interconnected, as you might have guessed. I have been struggling with a definition and/or verification of a higher power since I began my spiritual/religious journey, but every once in a while I have gotten a whiff of a feeling associated with my childhood religion. So it wasn’t completely forgotten, apparently. It is in there.

I’ve really been trying to find the meaning in the 12 step programs. I guess when you’re seriously striving to do that, you dig deeper and deeper into your spirituality, otherwise it seems you will continually reach an impasse within the steps. So I kind of went to the source, as it stands for me. It seems the words and the stories and the chronology of the Bible have resonated quite deeply. I even have tried out a Bible study group. But along the way, I attended a High Holy Day service (Yom Kippur, post- the Kol Nidre performance), and it struck a deep chord, so I may end up becoming willing to convert back to my original religious persuasion. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am still deeply rooted in an atheist’s mindset and philosophy. So I imagine my version of Judaism will be unique, incorporating personal quirks that allow me to remain true to myself. I guess this wasn’t meant to be easy for me.

I’m also suspecting that it may not be possible to be a believer and a non-believer simultaneously. I mean, it is possible, but it’s not productive. It keeps your spirituality stuck in second gear. Are atheists supposed to possess spirituality? There’s a continuum, between atheism and religious devotion. What if you want some of each? Are you asking for the having and the eating of the cake?

On a different note, playing the Beatles tribute tonight was pretty religious. In the sense of the religion they espoused – love, love, love; peace; incredible harmonies, tunes and musical manifestations; fellowship; friendship. It was rather cathartic given what transpired in our country this week. I wondered what the largely Trump-supporting audience gleaned from it. It certainly made me wish the fab four were still around spreading their philosophy. We could certainly use it. I think I will have to do whatever I can to encourage those sorts of ideas and sensibilities in my circles.

wherewithal

Mmm, it smells really good in here, like garlic ‘n friends. It’s warm for the cockles around here, with sleeping people and subdued lighting. I will be off to sleep soon, wide open to the truer workings of my soul.
I like reading my own previous blog entries once in a while. I’m glad I say what’s on my mind. It’s perfectly possible that I am the one most likely to benefit from my own thoughts. And I do, apparently. I haven’t been told by anyone I don’t think (possibly one person?), that my writings are benefiting them in any way. That’s okay. Perhaps that’s none of my business. Perhaps the people whom I benefit are precisely the ones who prefer to be private about their feelings. I can definitely respect that.

originally published on 4/17/07

Bilateral

I am splitting my reading time between two books – a mystery and an anti-sugar tome. I love the contrast. Each one seems to feed different parts of my brain. Following the unfolding of the elements of the mystery taps my concentration and steadfastness. It’s soothing and meditative. The dietary book piques my curiosity and raw emotion – it is unrelated to the elapsing of time. It forces me to reflect on my preconceptions and everyday actions, comparing them to the new information put forth page after page. I can absorb it a little at a time, like a snowball building up inside my food consciousness, until I am armed with to-do and not-to-do lists in that realm.
But the mystery part of my brain quietly ruminates over the plot and characters all the time. I have formed a subconscious bond with the aura and storyline of the book. There is nothing like that with the anti-sugar one. Once I put it down, it goes its separate way, as much as a book can go anywhere. It is a practical experience.

originally published on 2/1/08