I have that Bocelli encore in my head.
My bed smells weird – is that still the new bed smell?
I released my left hand pretty well this week.
I remembered some wondrous Starker tutelage while helping my young student.
It’s interesting to figure out where you are different and the same as your partner.
It’s getting hotter.
I have to buy a pool fence.
Cody is sleeping, but not at his normal time.
I guess I should have a party.
My dreams are intense when a virus is being fought.
originally published on 4/18/11
A friend of mine points out that I am highly judgmental of myself and others. It ends up making me extreme in my reactions and opinions. And neurotic. And impatient. It is all reflective of the ways in which I judge the world. I judge it by speed (impatient) and quality (snobby) and whether it serves me well (self-obsessed). But it all comes back to constant overseeing judgmentalness. It is my endless hamster wheel. Round and round. Back and forth. It is so comfortable and familiar, I couldn’t even imagine getting off the ride, the merry-go-round, the miserable-go-round. But I could. It could happen. I could stop long enough to step off onto the real ground, the real universe. I think I do step off (almost inadvertently) at times. Do I know when that takes place? I think so. I feel different then.
originally published on 3/23/07
I played tonight here in WY. I was focusing on my relaxation goals. I noticed the response of my instinct/training in regards to my breathing. On different nights I breathe differently. Of course, everything changes on a constant basis. It can be rather annoying, but once a nice girl colleague at a music festival told me it’s better than being bored.
One thing I noticed about breathing is the continuum between total inhalation and total exhalation and the effect it has on my overall sensation. When you inhale it is a refreshing, invigorating feeling, and it gives a somewhat strengthening result. During exhalation, you feel soothed, calmed and loosened. It can make you feel like rubber.
The troubling thing that happens in my head if I make strides, is that I get overwhelmed by the possibilities and permutations. I suppose that isn’t helpful for any mental equilibrium.
originally published on 8/5/07
I’m funny. I don’t think things affect me. Ha! Just ’cause I don’t keel over with a seizure or aneurysm has nothing to do with whether I have escaped scot-free from an abuse, either self or other-inflicted. Maybe I’m not the most sensitively created being in the universe. But each small act I engage in has at least an equal repercussion on who and what I am in the ensuing hours and days. I’m glad I googled scot-free, because that’s precisely not how I end up after any sort of indiscretion.
Another wonderful truth is that I cannot separate different parts of myself from eachother. I am one organism, and each part is linked to the rest. I guess the question becomes, to what degree are these things linked? Well, that depends how deep you look.
originally published on 2/3/08
I’d just like to know why nobody ever explained to me about the correlation between total looseness and total fitness. Why have I been wasting all my life fooling around with the stuff in between? I need some direction occasionally, like everybody else.
The incredible thing I’ve observed is that those two elements are quite compatible. It reminds me of Tamino, a cat I befriended, who was simultaneously completely at rest and loose, and like a springboard ready to pop. We used to call him the perfect athlete. He was like a fluid – ever modulating between the differing physical and energetic states of being.
originally published on 2/21/08
I am sometimes in need of pencil and paper when I am at the gym, so I’ve resorted to using my mobile phone’s little notepad for my mental machinations, as such:
One problem is that I think conversation is not worthwhile if it doesn’t involve kvetching about something. Is that rational? Is it rational to think that that leads to happiness? Am I aiming for happiness? Am I allowed to experience contentment? What would happen then? Would the world come to a screeching halt? I’d say it comes to a halt the way things are right now! I don’t know about anyone else, but that seems to be the way I work. Or maybe I don’t understand the word contentment.
That took two note’s worth of memory.
How about this one, which may be inevitable at a gym:
There are pros and cons to being attracted to many people while remaining faithful to one. The con is obvious – it’s frustrating and creates an unraveling sense of yourself. The pro is less apparent – it is derived from the perspective making choices gives you. If you consider it for a moment, you will see how key it can be to a personal peace of mind. One cannot be monogamous and promiscuous simultaneously. You have to exercise choice to make the wiser decision. It’s not just a decision – it’s a long-term state of existence as you go along. That is the advantage of seeing the various angles of life. It’s nearly impossible to determine the wisdom of things right off – initially, you’re mostly swayed by emotion. It’s only as you live hour to hour, day to day, that you can accurately judge how it all pans out.
originally published on 11/15/09