If my response to success is so nihilistic, it’s no wonder I end up back in the same old same old. I mean what have been my great, grand failures anyway? I used to say I wanted failure, I wanted rejection. Then I knew I had at least tried to achieve something great. It reminded me that I was alive and that I strived to improve my lot in life. So I thought.
I guess the question is am I nihilistic, or am I autistic? Do I react to situations in the way I imagine is truly normal, truly healthy? What am I capable of, exactly. Maybe the way people react to success says a lot about them. What is success, anyway? Isn’t it largely self-discovered? You do the work to make the success happen yourself, let’s say. What is the work that needs to happen afterwards? Do you decide no work is appropriate afterwards? Do you turn the other cheek?