I thought it was only an adenoid. I thought a lot of things. Why did I think it was worth thinking? If I don’t want to think or feel, I can just dig a hole and burrow into it.  No Becky. If I want to get fat, just go ahead and proceed as you were. That’s no problem. It’s lovely that they updated this, but now I feel like a fish out of water. Is that a way to feel? Seems not. Cody could attest to that.

There are a lot of things that I haven’t had a chance to write about since I haven’t written anything. I don’t know what difference it makes. Maybe my life has taken a turn for the better. That allows me to do things and to think things. Smart martyrs. Restart the matre di. I don’t know if Tony would mind if I tried to start our own club. I have these fleeting ideas I guess, and then I’m off to the next one. Maybe that epitomizes my dieting regimen. On again, off again.

Here’s a transcript from a chat room where I was the only one chatting.  Ha:

I’m going to write something, even if no one is here to read it or respond to it. I am here because I need to chat with someone, and at least there are seemingly some people here. Otherwise I can just write on my own blog, which is almost never responded to. I had a new approach to my eating. I decided to separate my physical self from the rest of what I consider myself. My mind, my ego, my spirit, my soul. Whatnot. I decided to treat my physical self the way I know it wants to be treated. And I can imagine anything I want in the persona that is the non-physical me. But I wasn’t going to confuse the 2. I decided that my physical self didn’t need to be subjected to the whims and cravings and neediness of my spiritual self. That was a few days ago. Unfortunately, I have lapsed in the last 24 hours. My approach has turned into dust in the wind, as they say. But I don’t want it to. I would like to hold on. That’s why I knew I should write. When I first came up with the idea, I told my significant other. I think announcing it helped give it more weight and permanence. I haven’t been announcing it anymore, because I already announced it. That would be silly. But maybe it’s not as silly as it seems. It can be a form of story telling. I can announce it to others. I can announce it here, for instance. I am. I can announce it to my 2 month old. It’s tricky to find someone to continually announce it to. People might think I’m just being silly. They don’t want to know. I’d like to reboot. I’d like to go back 3 days, to when this was working. I’d like to keep it going, not discard it. Not disband. I don’t need to balloon. Ballooning.