The human heart seeks expression. But it seems that some of the most beautiful forms of such demand significant limits. I think that I want endlessness and unbridled-ness. And I do. But there must be the yin to accommodate the yang. Otherwise you fall off the deep end and you lose exactly that destination, that telos you most want to savor.

The need for constraint comes more naturally for some than others. You are naturally drawn to those who personify contrasting qualities. It is the painful truth of yin and yang. It is the irony which flies below the radar oftentimes.

originally published on 1/23/10

When I’m watching a movie I often feel very strong connections with the characters and the storylines. I often feel my needs and feelings are at least partially embodied in their personas. In other words, I truly get sucked in.

But I realized something tonight. The reason I get so caught up in the lives of screen images is because there are no obligations associated with them. It is not a 2-way relationship. You are absolutely at total liberty to safely immerse yourself in these projected people. It is fantasy, right? Therein lies the trouble.

You look for some similar kind of gratification in real life. And you wonder why it is so different, so much more elusive. It turns out it is like comparing apples and oranges, but not only in that it is different. Apples and oranges are both fruit, right? So cinema and reality are both derivatives of human experience. In deeper senses there is a comparison between them, but practically speaking, not so much.

I imagine it’s a good thing that one’s reality isn’t left up to the machinations of screenwriters and Hollywood A-listers.

originally published on 9/20/10

So whom am I writing for? Myself? That has to be involved. Anyone who might be vaguely interested? So it seems. It is for fellow travelers, I guess. I could write about musical issues. Would that be directed more towards other musicians? Possibly. They might be the ones who would understand the jargon.

Am I writing to gain notoriety? No, I don’t believe so. Or to further my career? No. Those would not be the reasons. If something like that were to happen, I would figure out how to deal with it as it came. Is writing linked to playing? I think it might be. They are both activities derived from somewhere inside the murky place where the heart lives. They seem to make good bedfellows. There are a number of other categories which stem from that place.

Maybe I write a blog and have a website because I cannot play a concert alone. It is the next best thing. Really it is a different and separate thing to performing music, but in a way it fills a related void. Perhaps it is expressing philosophically versus the direct emotionality of music-making. Or maybe it is about the direct, real-time connection to an audience versus the gap between writer and reader. Of course there are times when writing is raw and in-your-face and music is intellectual or awash.

I don’t mind being either the same as others or totally different (so I think). It is really a combination. If I am true to myself, I’ll see that I have both elements. And so anything that I create would have some commonality and some uniqueness.

originally published on 4/23/11